that guy over there...

transformers 2 sucked...

so i had the pleasure of being invited to see transformers 2 last night.  good times with good friends (who as it turned out paid...even better!) are hard to turn down, plus i really enjoyed the first installment, so why would i?

we went to the imax in lincoln center.  why?  because when a movie is in imax there's no reason to not see it in imax, even if it means waiting in an hour long line to get a decent seat that won't cause you to break your neck.  sadly, the conversation we had while waiting on line was more interesting than anything the movie had to offer, other than megan fox's tits and ass being about 3 times larger and more delicious than life itself.

let's take you through the movie:

boring unfunny attempts at comedy, screaming, yelling, bad testicle joke, explosion, boring unfunny attempts at comedy, megan fox's ass, boring attempt at drama, boring attempt at comedy, fast action shots, screaming, fast action shots, screaming, robot fight, screaming, boring attempt at comedy, screaming, robot fight, sad robot death, pathetically written attempt to have a story, bad testicle joke, robot fight, screaming, fast action shot, screaming, robot fight, bad testicle joke, robot fight, screaming, slow motion tits bouncing running scene, explosions, yelling, boring attempt at drama, robot fight, ending that let's you know there's another movie coming.  end.  credits.  more bad comedy.  alright linkin park song.

quite frankly this movie could have been boiled down to a 15 minute cgi demo and a slide show of megan fox pictures set to a linkin park soundtrack and been as good or better.  you'd easily have a more stimulating experience playing a recent video game, downloading porn, and making your own ball jokes.

here's the sad thing.  the first movie was pretty good.  or, looking back, i guess short for a reason.  i thought it was good in the sense that it introduced you to the world of transformers and set you up for future stories to be told.  as it turns out, it was probably short because they had a bunch of incredibly unlikable characters and writers who can't tell a story for shit. 

i actually fell asleep during the interminably long "we're trekking through the dessert so we have a reason to show a "watch megan's tits bounce when she runs in slow motion" scene.  and damn near cried when i woke up to the scene involving the annoying section 7 guy from the first movie and a robots balls.  i quietly begged the movie not to verbalize the damn testicle joke...BEGGED.  and they did it anyway.  i can just imagine the giggling of 50 year old child touchers as they said "hey, lets give it balls!  lets give the robot balls!!!!"

oh and did i mention, the transformers series now has it's very own jar jar binks...

robots in disguise?
transformers two really sucked
save your money folks

take the day thursday: stereotypes are fun...!

so heather's back!  you know her from her couple of posts here a couple of weeks ago and of course her own site www.unlikelyoilfieldwife.com.  today we learn of things that can only happen when you watch local television because the networks are too busy making crappy television to make foolish mistakes...

~~~~~~~~~~~

So today husband and I saw an ad on television that just, simply put, left me perplexed. It was for our local cable company, COX. The point of the ad is to tell local businesses that they can advertise on specifically Latino channels. I get that completely. But in the background of the ad are pictures of Mexican wrestlers and mariachi bands, which I thought was a little in poor taste, but whatever. Then I saw this.

Why on earth is Fidel Castro in the background? Is that really what represents the Latino community, especially here in southern Louisiana? Who was in charge of this ad, and is this really the company I want doing advertising for me? What was the meeting like? “Yeah, you, intern, just google 'latino' and use whatever comes up on the first page.” Are we going to start using Kim Jong Ill in ads geared toward Korean businesses? Or maybe Hitler in German ones. Maybe it was supposed to be subliminal messaging. More likely, it's just some stupid, lazy person in the marketing department at our local COX office. Poor lady in the ad, now she looks like a fool.

~~~~~~~~~~

kathy pooler loves fidel castro!  google bomb that and a bunch of random asian websites will write a story about it.  swearsies!

thanks again heather for allowing me to use your work to look productive.  don't forget to go visit her at her usual home which i'm too lazy to make another link to.  but it's up there and over there and it woulda been much easier to make a link than type all that.

wanna guest star here at that guy over there?  of course you don't!  but if you get high and forget drop me an email at xtgotx at gmail dot com!

why straight men should run the fashion industry...

first, i've gotta thank my super secret internet wifey, ripple, over at amygrindhouse.com for feeding me a bit of rage to fuel some creativity today.  amy who along with me forms the greatest celebrity couple you've never heard of chrindhouse is my source for pop culture and gossip, and she puts up with my rants and ramblings in her comments, even egging me on sometimes.  so if you're sick of me go check out her site.

that said, look at this atrocity to the left (for the record, i borrowed the pic from somewhere, not amy, and i don't remember where.  i suck.  if you want credit, just tell me and you'll get it!)  poor emma watson, the girl who plays a hot schoolgirl witch in harry potter is on a magazine cover looking so disgustingly emo that it makes the emo kids cry (then again, what doesn't?).  she looks (to steal my own lines) like she just rolled out of bed at clown school, like the queen of the zombie bikers, and (to steal an idea from elayne from the grindhouse comments section) like the president of the "i wish i was amy winehouse" club.

it's not some joke picture she took with friends that was never supposed to see the light of day, it's the result of a professional photo shoot and was taken with the intent of having it be in a magazine with the possibility (and reality) of it being a cover shot.  conservatively, 1 or 2 people from ms. watson's staff of handlers, a photographer, at least 2 editors at the magazine and ultimately whoever is charge at elle all had to say "yes, this is great!  let's put it on the cover."  that's AT LEAST 6 people who had their hands on this that could have said "holy shit she looks like a hooker that's been floating in a river for days, we have to get new photos."

for the record i don't blame poor emma for any of this.  she likely showed up, got her hair done, threw on what they told her to, took a few pictures, was told they came out great, and went home or to do enjoy life in some other way. 

what bothers me most is not that they took a beautiful girl and stripped her of any attractiveness, it's that to her right is a giant "the new trends" i'm assuming pointing out an article in the magazine.  for the love of christ, i hope no girl passes by a newsstand and thinks the cruella de vil look is in this year.  and that brings me to my point...none of this would have happened if there was a straight man somewhere in the chain. 

here's the thing with the fashion industry it is primarily and stereotypically run by women and gay men.   why?  well, i guess because they care or some might say "have an eye" for fashion.  problem is, there's a difference between what looks good on a runway and what looks good in reality.  and most of the time, it kind of clashes. 

here's the deal.  gay guys don't really care how a girl looks.  sure, the idea is to make her look her best and i would never claim he (he being our example gay guy) would attempt to make a girl look bad purposefully, but when it comes down to it, he doesn't want to fuck her.  he doesn't really have any interest in some random guy liking what he sees.  he cares about what he sees and if what he sees is beautiful, to him, he's gonna say so.  i'm not saying he's wrong, i'm just saying it's not practical.

then there's women.  what woman is going to make another woman look better than her?  i've been told a couple of times i'm wrong on this, but i can't quite possibly see how.  there's just no chance in hell a woman, whether straight or gay, is going to help make another woman fighting for the same resources (be it men or women) be more attractive than her.  that'd be like the lakers allowing the orlando magic to have kobe bryant as they play the nba finals. just ain't gonna happen.

i'm not saying all women are conniving backstabbers set out to make you look horrible when you ask their opinion, i'm just saying that they're more interested in you thinking you look good rather than you actually looking good.

and then there's the folks, male or female, straight or gay who are seeing the art in it.  NO ONE WANTS TO FUCK ARTSY.

just let the models be themselves.  odds are if they're hot (and you can count that in terms of being attractive or being popular) enough to be asked to pose for a magazine they're either good looking or personable enough to carry the shoot on their own.  they don't need a pound of disgusting makeup to weigh down their natural beauty and you can dress em up in shit that might actually get worn, in real life, not in some magical fashion show that no one cares about but the person who's head it's in.

what's wrong with capturing the natural beauty of an attractive girl?   

r.i.p. billy mays...

ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, michael jackson, billy mays...  this is going to sound weird but the person out of that group that had the most impact on my life was probably the last. 

sure ed mcmahon was the oldest and from what i hear, the funniest.  he never mattered to me because in my world he was really just the publisher's clearing house guy.  his face was the sign of an envelope you really didn't want and tossed out in the trash.  ed mcmahon was spam when spam was just called junk mail.

farrah fawcett?  yeah, she was hot.  20 years before i started caring about girls being hot.  when i did care, she was still good looking despite her age, but what did i care?  it sucks she died the way she did, but she didn't register at all on my radar.

then there's old wacko jacko.  sure he's one of the best selling artists of all time, but all the good he did was well before my time.  and by that i mean, when i was a teenager he had moved on to becoming freaky white lady kid toucher guy.  his big hit in the time that i remember him releasing new music is "heal the world."  which i only truly remember because i won tickets to see cop and half from local radio station wplj.

would i turn off a michael jackson song?  no, probably not.  would i make it a point to find one to listen to?  no, probably not.

then there's billy mays.  billy mays is the guy who sold you just about everything in your house that seemed like a good idea at first but in reality turned out it really wasn't.  you'd of thought he was a vampire because you never saw him during the day.  he was only ever on those random channels you flipped to because there was nothing to watch on the good channels. 

billy mays was the guy screaming at you to buy something that you could use to clean the puke stain you just left on your carpet because you were out drinking all night and didn't make it to the toilet because you couldn't stop watching billy mays...

more recently he's been on his show pitchmen which i must say is pretty damn good.  on this show he's basically telling you how to make stupid people buy shit they don't need.  and then he sells you shit you don't need.  BRILLIANT!  there aren't many people on the planet likable enough to annoy you into buying something stupid and feel great about it.  just ask the sham-wow guy.

rest in peace billy
our tvs won't be the same
what will we buy now?

i gots nuttin and the greatest 15 seconds ever (EVER!)....

kinda tired.  it seems my brain does not have the desire to come up with interesting thoughts and then send impulses to my fingers to type them.  so here's my favourite commercial in the history of commercials...

 

tune in some other time for dick jokes. also, i want cheese fries.

try again (sometimes these things write themselves)...

it's summer time here at the building and that means the summer guys are running around.  some of em ain't too bright.  bob's on vacation this week, which is a shame because he'd of had a lot of fun with this one...

joe: *tries to punch out for lunch on electronic clock*
joe:  *turns to me*  it says try again
me: *not realizing he was punching out* what does?
joe:  the clock.  it says try again, what do i do?
me:  i would try again.
joe:  *tries again*
joe:  *and again*
me:  sometimes it doesn't read properly if your hands are dirty.  maybe try wahsing your hands?
joe:  *wipes his hand on his shirt and tries again*
me:  maybe if you actually washed your hands?
joe:  *wipes his hand on his shirt, looks at it, tries again*
me:  i use soap and water when i wash my hands.
joe:  *tries again*
joe:  it says invalid id, what do i do?
me:  don't worry about it, much like goose, you lost the punch out game...

a redhead, an idea, chocolate sorbet, and being emo...

ya know what sucks about me?  i'm incredibly easily let down by little things.  stupid things.  shit that when you step back and take a look at the big picture don't matter in the slightest.  what's worse is that i realize this, yet try as i might, can't do anything to change it.  my brain simply cannot comprehend "well, why didn't this happen?"  when it tries to it comes up with "well, person x just didn't put a single bit of thought into it."  and that's where i get let down or as a friend says, that's when i get emo.

another problem with me is i have an incredibly hard time not letting the person who just let me down know.  i get sorta down.  or i take lil jabs.  or i just say it directly.  whichever i think will work best to get my desired result.  which is...well, i don't fucking know.  see, sometimes i'm complain enough that the person in question will apologize.  my response, in complete asshole fashion, is "well, if you were sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place."

what are things that do this?  i'll list some... not offering the group a round when you go up to the bar, not giving a second "courtesy flush" to make sure the toilet is remnant free, not telling someone you're talking to that you're gonna be afk, cutting someone off as they try to enter/leave and establishment,  not doing something you said you'd do, being late without an apology text/call, or worse not showing up at all.  let's stack em all under the "common courtesy" umbrella. 

why do they bug me?  i don't know.  it's really just the "damn had you just put a second of thought into that..." sort of thing.  i guess i take em incredibly personally even if they're not remotely intended that way.  it's sort of selfish, but in my head i ask "well, why didn't you think of me?"  don't get me wrong, i don't expect millions of people to walk around wondering what i think (perhaps a couple hundred as that seems to be my daily hit count).  i don't even expect my friends or family to be constantly aware, but damn, i've known most of them 20-30 years so you'd think by now they'd at least take the path of least resistance?

it may have been different way back when.  hell, even as far back as 10 years ago cell phones weren't exactly prevalent, but now, how fucking difficult is it to shoot off a text to someone you're supposed to meet or do something with/for?  how hard is it to say in your head "well, i told this person i'd do this and i'm not, i bet they'd appreciate knowing."? 

so that's my character flaw of the day.  taking shit too seriously and not properly finding a way to vent it. 

suggestions anyone?

ya know, heather says she's gonna be back on thursday and lauren was asking why she couldn't write on my blog the other day...perhaps we could have shit on chris week?  where the people that know and love me (theoretically) can talk about how horrible i can be when i decide to.  not incredibly certain how interesting it'd be for the public who clearly don't want "an intimate portrait of some random asshole with a blog," but it'd be fun for me.  any takers? 

now onto happier things...

so i mentioned that chocolate sorbet recipe the other day.  i know mik said he was gonna show it to his wifey and i actually got a couple of emails about it.  which i thought was weird.  in any case i'll answer a few questions i got...

no, it's not my recipe per se, but i would have no idea who to credit for it.  like most things i make, i just sort of do it and have been for a while.  i "make it my own" so to speak.  that's not to say anyone should quote the recipe as "chris' chocolate sorbet" because 1.  that'd be silly and 2.  if you do a google search, i'm sure you'd find 15 recipes exactly like it or close. i can say the original recipe i started using also called to melt a bit of dark chocolate into the mix.  i didn't like that part so i stopped doing it.

and yeah, there are plenty of ways to customize it.  i found the particular batch i made to be incredibly rich.  i like rich chocolate taste, but if you don't you could probably mess with it a bit by adding more sugar and water or by using less cocoa.  i don't think sorbet is like baking in the sense that it's not necessarily so exact.  ice cream might be as you're looking to make a custard, but sorbet is basically tasty ice.

as for additional flavours...well, lots of folks like chocolate and orange.  why, i have no idea, but they do.  if you're that sort of person, use 1 cup orange preserves instead of sugar and replace the rum with grand marnier.  see, as alton brown from good eats told me (and by me i mean "said on his television show"), preserves can replace sugar tablespoon for tablespoon.  i trust alton, so why i can't tell you why it works, i can tell you it does.

(speaking of mr. brown here's a recipe of his for key lime sorbet.  i tend to use this to make cherry sorbet (goes great with chocolate!) by swapping lime preserves and lime seltzer for the same ingredients in cherry.  and i'm sure it'd work with most other fruits...)

back to the point, want it minty?  add a splash of peppermint extract and less of a splash (or none at all) or vanilla extract,  replace rum with creme de menthe (white > green unless you don't care about color).  you could simply sub whiskey for rum.  you could add a little bit of cayenne pepper, chocolate and spice works very nice. 

or you could add you could add your favourite chunk type material.  i'd imagine some mini chocolate chips would work best.  perhaps some toasted pistachios?  or some cut up frozen berries?  in any case, hold off until after churning the mixture to put em in.  otherwise they'll just wind up on the bottom.

so yeah, the recipe again...  2 cups water, 1 cup sugar, 1 cup dutch process cocoa powder, a pinch or two of salt.  a splash or so of vanilla extract.  a splash or 3 of dark rum.  bring all ingredient save for extract and alcohol to simmer until sugar and cocoa melt.  let it cool a bit.  add extract and alcohol.

i add the extract and alki after a bit of cooling because heat can burn off the alcohol.  it'll leave the flavour of course, but i like the fact that it keeps the ice from hardening too much.  also, straining it might be useful in case you didn't completely break up all the cocoa. 

oh, and one thing i left out...before you churn it, get it cold in the fridge for a couple of hours...the colder it is, the faster it'll freeze, the faster it freezes the better the texture. 

well, i feel better now.

what would reagan do (and other random hate)...?

if anybody asks, i've got explosive diarrhea today.  you read it here, that's why you know, and that's why i couldn't go to work.  yup, explosive diarrhea.

so i was visiting some political type blog the other day.  i'll be honest i was sorta half paying attention, likely because there was either porn or sport on in the background.  i saw a banner that read "what would reagan do."  is it bad my first thought was "probably forget what you said then drool all over himself?" 

my cousin is graduating tomorrow (or technically, today).  i went to go buy him a card. 

at the store, there's a guy, he looks a lil off.  i'm honesty not certain if he's a tad mentally handicapped or just really creepy and gay.  either way, one day he asked me if i needed help.  i'm not the type to want help when shopping, but on his particular day i wanted coke zero and i couldn't so i thought "what the hell?  i'll ask." 

he didn't know what coke zero was, but did his best to help me.  that was polite of him.  he now follows me around the store any and every time i go in.  i'm not certain why.  i actually avoided the store for a month to not see this guy who is clearly working the midnight shift because he scared too many folks during the day.

so i was reading the cards (way to get back on point jackass!) hoping to find the one that was most uncomfortably funny.  ya know the type of funny that makes you feel as if you're going to vomit because you know someone, somewhere wrote down a  few sentiments.  maybe they even rhymed.  and then showed it to a fellow fuddy duddy and they laughed and laughed before walking down the hall and showing it to the head person in charge of thinking things are funny and then they all laughed and laughed.  then they print em up, all proud of their work, and you read it in the store and wish they were dead?  the kind of funny i'm shooting for now, only you haven't even chuckled and feel you sorry for me.  and i did find one.

in my quest to find that card i saw a card in spanish.  it was a map of a graduate with a bunch of body parts labled with semi inspirational (based on my limited "forgot my spanish the day i left high school" spanish) sayings.  so i opened the card hoping for a punchline, which likely would have gone over my head as most ethnic humour does.  (we've got our "two jews walk intro a bar..." and they've got their "so juan and pablo fucked a goat...")  there was no punchline.  it was just "congratulations i love you" bullshit.  but then i turned it over and it had translations for all the stuff on the front of the card. 

why the fuck would a card have translations?  the only 3 situations i can think of that you would buy that card are 1.  you and the recipient speak spanish.  2.  you don't but the recipient does speak spanish (perhaps they studied it?) 3.  you want to confuse/amuse recipient by making some sort of racist joke at the end of the card,  

i s'pose a 4th reason is that you waited to long to buy the card and the spanish card was the only one left.  in that case, the kid you're buying it for is probably stupid and won't read the damn thing anyway, you'd save yourself four bucks and a trip to the atm by just buying him the beer and weed he'd use the money for anyway...

i made chocolate sorbet today.  possibly the simplest recipe ever (2 or so cups water, 1 cup sugar, 1 cup dutch process cocoa, pinch or two of salt, splash of vanilla, splash or three of dark rum).  just finished churning it in my machine and it was like frozen brownie batter.  holy shit was the texture amazing.  i'm hopin' it doesn't freeze up too much, and it shouldn't as i added the rum after i took it off the heat.  it's not much, but it should keep it from ever getting solid.  don't get me wrong, it'd still be delicious but it wouldn't be as velvety.

frozen brownies yum
getting cold in the freezer
there's no need for milk

so i hung with the family today.  i love hanging with my family cuz they're good people and tend to be amazingly fun.  well, at least when they're not pulling their own personal random problems (oh, i've got em too).  but i think the reason i enjoy em so much is i don't see them all that often.  it makes enjoying the day that much more important.

that's kind of why like short vacations too.  don't get me wrong, i love vacation.  i just, sort of, get sick of it after a while.  it's kind of like "ok, i get it, i'm in fucking paradise."  sort of touched on this with someone earlier this week.  sure it'd be lovely if everything was great all of the time, but if it was wouldn't great start to get boring?  you wouldn't think, but i bet it does.  sometimes you just need something to rock the boat every now and then...just to keep things interesting.

it's why i wonder if i'm really cut out for a relationship.  when i go away with friends or even a chick i was seeing, it's fun for a couple of days.  by day 3, maybe 4, i'm done looking at them.  i'm talking some of my favourite people on this planet.  we went away and after a few days i didn't give a shit if i ever saw them again.  i did/do of course (see them again) and love it almost always.

makes you think back on all the married folks you know.  which are the ones that broke up?  the ones that no one thought would.  why?  because they worked so hard lying to themselves and others that everything was great.  why lie?  there's nothing wrong with saying "i fucking love you but right now i don't like you all that much."  your friends will understand why you went out for drinks alone and when you stumble home drunk at the end of the night you'll have the blow off fight that leads to amazing make up sex.

that all said, there's someone out there right now that i'm totally craving more of...

...

oh yeah, 'grats richard!
today's your graduation
time to grow up, punk!

take the day thursday: eat shit and die carson daly (because she didn't title it and i'm an ass!)...

this is where i talk cuz technically it's my blog and i should sorta talk ya know to save face.  but it's thursday which means i get to read and laugh instead of write.  yay for bold faced theivery! 

more from my ex heather who recently claimed she'd be by every thursday to change the drapes and cook dinner like a woman should...err i mean entertain us!

~~~~~

Am I the only person who is wondering why the fuck Carson Daly still has a late night talk show? I'm not one to watch these shows anyway, except for the occasional Letterman episode, but all the Conan O'Brien hype has reeled me in to the whole late night game. I even watched a couple of episodes of Jimmy Kimmel, but in my defense, it was because either John Krasinski was on or Betty White. I guess I get why Carson has a show, there was a slot to fill and you don't need anyone real great to do it. It just seems like ratings aren't as important for these shows. I refuse to believe that there is some huge demographic of people every night who are sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for Carson Daly at 1:30am EST. Maybe he is just desperate to have a career at all. Maybe he just demanded a studio apartment in Staten Island and $20,000 a year. Who is even paying for ad space during his show? I guess he doesn't have many career choices. Years of hosting TRL doesn't give you many options short of hosting a talk and/or game show. Maybe the economy isn't as bad as we think, I mean, he's still got a job. My husband says I'll have egg on my face if I ever meet Carson Daly and he reads this blog. If Carson Daly is ever in my vicinity or Googling himself and reading a random blog, his life is more sad than I realized.

~~~~~

seriously, is that how you spell o'brien?  i had no clue...

thanks again heather!  you're making this place look almost...prolific (and like it passed 3rd grade english!  or did they call it language arts back then?).  don't forget to visit heather at her own site where she writes cool stuff for people who want more than some dick jokes (not that there's anything wrong with that).

want to be a guest poster on thatguyoverthere dot com?  just drop an email to xtgotx@gmail.com.  if it's even remotely not shitty i'll throw it up and talk about how great you are for saving me 20 minutes of work!

take the day thursday: meet heather...

so a couple of weeks ago i stole something my pal brian wrote on facebook months ago.  i gave the post a name and invited anyone who wanted to allow me to steal their stuff to.  i figured no one would actually take me seriously seeing as though i pretty blatantly said i had no intention to put any effort into the production of said material, yet would clearly take credit if it turned out any good.

today we have the second sucker to line up and make me look productive.  i say sucker in the most endearing of ways of course because our guest this week (and perhaps for weeks to come if she laughs at me calling her a sucker) put more thought and effort into this post (and her next) than i have in three plus years of doing this silly blog and the 3 plus i put in at the old site.  yay!

so without further ado i welcome my ex heather guesting from her lil spot on the net she just bought the domain for (which is linked below and off to the side for my not making a new link convenience!)...

~~~~~~

When I was 17, September of 1999, I did that thing that thing every parent is absolutely afraid of. I took a bus from southern Louisiana to New York City to meet a boy I met on the internet. Looking back, I can't believe I even had the balls to do it. I can't believe my parents even let me back into the house after they found out what I did. And I am absolutely not advocating anyone do the same thing. But I got a usually awesome, often tumultuous 10 year friendship out of it. Chris (owner of this fabulous blog) and I met online earlier in 1999, and dated long distance (on and off) for the next few years. There are lots of reasons it didn't work out. Chris is sort of an asshole, by his own definition, and I'm sort of a bitch, again, by his own definition. But, cest la vie, we're still friends now, for better or for worse. Anyway, since it looks like I'll be blogging here every Thursday from now on, this is just a little intro and an invite for you to check out my blog, www.unlikelyoilfieldwife.com, which is just basically about my life as a liberal/hipster wife to a liberal guy who works in the oil industry. Will you like it? Who cares, I'm sure you are dying to be nosy.

~~~~~~

you know it's not me when you see capitalization and punctuation!  welcome heather! 

come back later today as she makes me look good with a second post ripping someone a new asshole in true tgot style!  and don't forget to check out her real site cuz she writes stuff there too!