it's one of those days today. a day when everything in my head is funny and if it's not i blow it completely out or proportion until it is. when i say funny, i mean funny to me and possibly some like minded sick humoured individuals, not people like, i dunno, my mom (though judging from my family she has to have a demented sense of humour and i just never noticed).
one of the kids from the building came in from school. since her mom wasn't home she had to hang in the lobby with us. a few minutes later, her mom's assistant came to pick her up. they came over to get the key and as i was in the back i heard that never changing "adult talks to a kid he/she hasn't seen in a while" convo:
adult: oh my god, you got so big
kid: *bored with the same old convo* yeah, i guess
adult: nooo! you're so tall now!
when it's been a really long time you'll often have the additional:
adult: i haven't seen you since you were this *puts hand at some random short height* tall.
i always hated that convo when i was a kid, so i make sure to do it to every child i know. i'm not certain if they pick up on my sarcasm and realize i'm doing it to mock the adults who did it to me or if they're just as embarrassed for me as i was for my aunts and uncles back in the day.
!!TANGENT ALERT!! !!TANGENT ALERT!!
yeah it's really one of those days...
the you've gotten so tall convo is possibly only surpassed by the entirely too long happy birthday call.
adult: hi kid like person! happy birthday!!
kid: thank you!
adult: i'm so happy for you, i love you!
kid: i love you too.
(this is where the call should end, but it never does, it's always followed by the inevitable...)
adult: so...what'd you get?
(ouch. this question always sucked. cuz odds are the reason you're on the phone with this person rather than serving them cake is because they didn't show up and sent a crappy present. you now have to tell them everything good you got.)
kid: well i got...*lists everything he actually liked*...and some other things.
adult: and what are you gonna do with all that?
(right about now the kid is thinking "well, i'd be fucking playing with it if you'd shut up.)
kid: i don't know...it's just fun.
(this conversation could drag on depending on how bored the adult was, but often times you'd get the stay of execution you wished for on your candles...)
adult: ok kiddo, well you have a happy birthday, can i talk to your mom now?
!!END OF TANGENT!! !!we now return you to your regularly scheduled post!!
so i was thinking, instead of bringing up how tall someone got wouldn't it be fun to do it with more inappropriate things? personally i really like feeling awkward so it'd of been cool as shit if some stpid adult came up to me and said:
adult: omigod chris, it's been so long! i bet you're packing what? 6 or 7 inches these days?
how about if you see you coworkers daughter for the first time since she was 10...
adult: hi sally! it's been such a long time! *look of shock and awe* look at those b cups! last time i saw you you were as flat as a 6 year old boy!
or
adult: hi stephanie! i haven't seen you in so long! does that river run red yet?
and then there's the one that would work for either of the sexes...
adult: hi! i haven't seen you since you were 8...i bet you've got hair down there now, eh?
i think that one would be most awkward as "hair down there" would have to be said in that tone of voice adults use when talking to a kid but saying things they consider scandalous. you know, the same voice they would have used to spell things out if you were in the room for an "adult conversation" when you were 4 or 5.
so yeah...that's the shit that fills my head when i have nothing better to do. hopefully my phone shows up soon.
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